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Sapiento
01-08-2010, 03:26 AM
This is a simple map of the tree city of an Arborelves clan.

Could a native English speaker check the spelling?

philipstephen
01-08-2010, 05:33 AM
Looks great!

Common is spelled with an 'o' rather than an 'e' and breeded dwarven slaves is an awkward phrase.

I would suggest breaking up that long sentence into smaller ones to make them easier to handle.

"In this wooden city, the vile Arborelves rule over the common people in glory and light. Far beneath the surface, dwarves bred to be their slaves produce the evil shey'ling drug from the seeds of the subterranean shey fungitrees. Known as 'dreamdust,' the elves use this fiendish drug to bring friend and foe alike under the control of the merciless pleasures induced by this evil poison."

I dunno... something like that.

You could simplify or tweak it more. Others might have suggestions.

The only actual spelling mistake was the word common.

Ah... and you capitalized West Gate, but East gate has no capital on Gate.

I love the map though. Interesting to think of dwarves enslaved by elves. I see a revolt coming... and if the slaves control the drug... what nobles will be in the palm of their hands? Those who have dipped into that dreamdust a little to much...

Sapiento
01-08-2010, 06:51 AM
Thanks, Philip, for the suggestion and the correction.

So no really bad mistakes apart fromt he 'commen' typo- my old English teacher would be proud of me ;)

I will change the text as you suggested.

Sapiento
01-08-2010, 10:23 AM
Text changed, some old paper texture applied.
Is the map to dark now?

Jaxilon
01-08-2010, 12:32 PM
There you go. Philip took good care of you. Interesting map too.

philipstephen
01-08-2010, 03:31 PM
I don't think it is too dark...

but if you wanted you could add some highlights on the features to bring them out a bit more and slightly lighten the map.

phil

rdanhenry
01-10-2010, 09:17 PM
Also it should be "Guards' Cavern" (cavern of the guards) or "Guard Cavern" (cavern that is a guard) rather than "Guards Cavern". The map is beautiful and inventive.

Ramah
01-11-2010, 06:27 AM
Or Guard's Cavern, if there's only one of them or there's someone named Guard. :)

Sapiento
01-12-2010, 12:29 AM
Oh, thanks. I'll have to correct the map in the Finished Maps section.