View Full Version : February Entry: The Sanitorium
02-08-2010, 09:25 AM
A map I had done with all the trimmings on one page ;)
### Latest WIP ###
02-08-2010, 10:41 AM
You did more with one page than I could do with 10! Nice job.
02-08-2010, 03:08 PM
Very nice indeed! Nutters...is that a medical term? :)
02-08-2010, 04:27 PM
Are you sure that fits into a standard piece of paper? Looks like two pages, shrug. Looks pretty nice nonetheless.
02-08-2010, 05:24 PM
Ascension> He could be thinking of A4 in landscape...
But it's nice to see the growing horror/wierd tale tendency of this challenge. I'm feeling all map-grandfatherly... *wipes away tear*
02-22-2010, 03:47 AM
### Latest WIP ###
02-22-2010, 05:41 AM
Cool concept. I printed this map to A4 and you can just read it if the light is good and you hold it just right, so yeah, it could be a one pager.
I am confused by the layout though. Is it a building or an underground area? Maybe you could make that clear in the description as the players approach. You mention the massive doors but not what they are attached to. There is still quite a bit of negative space, so there is plenty of scope to expand the text later if it is needed.
Also, is there a reason why the patients cages are so small compared to the overall cell size. Maybe its a teaching facility and they need standing room for 15 interns to observe the good doctor at work?
Not sure about the blood stain either... on a players map maybe... but each to their own.
02-22-2010, 07:18 AM
imo the bloodstain is a bit too pinkish... maybe make it darker; more crimson.
Al. I. Cuza
02-22-2010, 09:27 AM
You should watch the numbering for the texts. You have 2d twice (dunno if that was intended) and the eating hall should be numbered 5, not 6, I guess.
02-22-2010, 01:52 PM
NOTES FOR GM: "surrounding areas" should be "surrounding area's", "employed like" should be "employed from" for the "to" to work, the first appearance of "mikel" needs capitalization, I think "May will" is supposed to be "Many will", "Caused" should not be capitalized, missing period after "Bedlam".
THE SCENE: "anybodys" should be "anybody's", final sentence is badly structured - it is probably both missing a word and would benefit from being split into two sentences, as it appears you are combining a question and a statement.
2d: "mahem" should be "mayhem", "Room Contains" should be "room contains".
2d (second entry labeled 2d): "glance appears" should be "glance, it appears", "patients" should be "patients'" (add apostrophe), line break between "all" and "hell" is odd, "inconvienient" should be "inconvenient".
3-3a: "is two" should be "are two", "directors room" should be "director's room", "kings justice" should be "king's justice", missing period after "money".
4: "dippling" should be "dipping", the comma after "brain" should be removed.
5: "dirty" should be capitalized, "half eaten" deserves a hyphen, "appears" should be deleted, "Value" should not be captalized.
7: "liberaly" should be "liberally, "an appears" should be "and appears", why is the doctor described as a "party man" when he has so little cause to party?
I am concerned about the readability of the stat blocks, but otherwise the visuals look quite good. Some might find the appearance sparse compared to some other maps, but that's just how a sanitarium should be.
02-22-2010, 04:02 PM
holy cow. body blow, body blow, body blow. lol.... let me see what I can do to fix some of all these errors. some very good catches, thx, ... body blow... doh
02-22-2010, 05:00 PM
ok, made a bunch of changes. alot of grammer/spelling changes (thx for all of those catches). I probably still missed a few, but I also made alot of changes to the script. tried to be a little more descriptive of one of the main nutters. I also made the text a bit larger so that you didn't need as much light to read it (I hope). any who, for better or worse, I hope you enjoy it, Marc.
### Latest WIP ###
02-22-2010, 06:21 PM
I fore wun voat 'Nay' on aneewun tryin ta stard up da speling poleese.
Al. I. Cuza
02-23-2010, 02:32 AM
What i just realize is, that you have only 13 people in the sanatorium, but the table is made for 16. Maybe you should delete some of the plates or include in your story, that there were guests.
02-23-2010, 02:45 AM
Maybe there are places for some inmates' imaginary friends?
02-23-2010, 05:08 AM
There are often visitors of the patients who eat at the hospital. Thus they set out extra plates.
02-27-2010, 12:25 PM
Crisp and easy to look at Davros. The only suggestion I have is to try to have the various layers interact more with each other. A little aging can go a long way, and the human brain more easily accepts things that are slightly imperfect.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.2 Copyright © 2015 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.