Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 24
Like Tree9Likes

Thread: MARCH / APRIL 2014 Lite Challenge: Cistern of the Drowned Maiden

  1. #11
      Bogie is offline
    Community Leader Gracious Donor Bogie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Maine, USA
    Posts
    2,337

    Default

    I am but the conduit for your greatness!

  2. #12
      KenG is offline
    Guild Journeyer Gracious Donor
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    107

    Default

    Great stuff, keep at it.

  3. #13
      madcowchef is offline
    Guild Artisan madcowchef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Pacific Northwest USA
    Posts
    583

    Default

    OK edited for semi literacy and a few small changes to the colors and border work.

    ### Latest WIP ###
    MARCH / APRIL 2014 Lite Challenge: Cistern of the Drowned Maiden-challengefedsed1.jpg

  4. #14
      KenG is offline
    Guild Journeyer Gracious Donor
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    107

    Default

    Madcowchef,

    I really like this but I have just a few comments.
    I. The left side of the stairs the shadow is so light I don't see the different steps.
    III. The stairs could use a small shadow or outline
    IV. I think the shadow on the stair doesn't follow the same direction as the shadows on the pillars.
    V. The wall just above the V looks flat compared to the wall above the pool.
    Should the eye of the dome have a number in it?
    Maybe consider adding just a hint of blue to your water to make it pop out a bit from the stone.

    I really like the way this looks and think it is a great job.

  5. #15
      acrsome is offline
    Guild Member acrsome's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    64

    Default

    I'm not sure of the forum policy on being spelling/grammar nazi, but, it's executioner, with the third letter an E, not an I.

    EDIT-- I also think you want Dome of the Drowned, rather than Dome of the Drown. Drown is a verb, whereas drowned is the adjectival form (and thus, in the promiscuous English language, easily nouned).
    Last edited by acrsome; 03-27-2014 at 12:28 PM.

  6. #16
      madcowchef is offline
    Guild Artisan madcowchef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Pacific Northwest USA
    Posts
    583

    Default

    KenG- I love useful clear criticism thank you. Ooh good spotting on the stair shadow, I must have had my head on upside down again. I need to work on the floor edging versus full walls a bit, there is both there as well as directional light and multiple levels all of which requires some clarity on a top down map that I've not quite nailed down on this piece yet. The directional light is the reason for little or no shadowing on the left, only a bit of ambient shading. Anything with a full label on the map I'm not bothering to number. Alternately if I wanted I could have numbered everything and kept in more consistent but this was my layout plan, and as one of the only times I planned anything in advance I'm going to pretend that's important.

    Acrsome- Thanks! I need all the grammatical help I can get so I welcome any free editing.

  7. #17
      Raptori is offline
    Guild Journeyer Raptori's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Helsinki
    Posts
    211

    Default

    I would like to criticise the use of American spelling. Favored, indeed. Since you say you welcome free editing, I'm gonna go to town on this - feel free to use or ignore!



    The Cistern of the Drowned Maiden
    History
    The Cistern of the Drowned Maiden was commissioned in the year 59UE by the Tyrant Marlocka Red Eye. It was used for the state-mandated annual public drowning of five maidens, to ensure bounty from each of the five cardinal directions. Construction was finished three years later in time for the autumn ritual.

    The sacrifices were successfully carried out here almost continually from 62UE to 257UE, save for the year 178UE. Widespread fighting that year led to the failure to perform the ritual, resulting in widespread crop failure. At the time, these failures were blamed on the inability of farmers to tend their fields while at war. This was followed by sporadic sacrifices between 258UE and 276UE, a period which ended with the fall of the Cursed Eye dynasty. Widespread famine and drought ensued after the fall.

    The short-lived Starfall dynasty attempted to perform the ritual in 281UE to alleviate these conditions. The failure of the Starfalls' attempt is marked by the yearly "Red Day" at the cistern, where the waters fill with blood that has no apparent source.

    Though the ritual has not since been attempted, the cistern is maintained, while surviving members of the Cursed Eye family are sought in an attempt to reclaim the Empire's fading glory.

    Well of Whispers
    The Well pre-dates the construction of the Cistern, and is said to have revealed secrets to the Cursed Eye dynasty, who could be observed waiting nearby during odd hours. Many believe that the souls of the drowned maidens gather here and give prophetic advice. Some claim to still hear voices while lingering near the well, though few claim to receive discernable advice.

    Eye of the Dome
    Once a repository for Cursed Eye artefacts, the eye is now empty - although various stories abound regarding both the form and fate of the original contents. The most common of these stories was that it contained the first Empress's magic eye, which the family was able to call back to them.



    I think the only spelling correction was that it should be "led" instead of "lead", but I'm not 100% sure about that. I also added a subtitle to the main section since it bugged me that the other two sections had one.

    Anyway, now that that's done, I'd just like to say that this is a gorgeous map so far.



    ("You do not have permission to perform this action. Please refresh the page and login before trying again." ... why does this keep happening to me?!)

  8. #18
      madcowchef is offline
    Guild Artisan madcowchef's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Pacific Northwest USA
    Posts
    583

    Default

    Here's the complete-save-for-all-the-new-corrections version. Lets see how many new errors I've added by trying to combine Raptori's editing clarity with some of my own "special word sauce". I've adjusted some levels and improved the shadows trying to incorporate some of the excellent advice I've been given. One thing I've learned as that for the challenges I should keep the scale more reasonable, at the standard upload compression some of my water fanciness goes away (the stones under the water actually have a ripple effect on them as well as some varied illumination, honest). This might also save me from waiting 8 minutes just for it to save (not refusing to collapse my layers ever would help too).

    ### Latest WIP ###
    MARCH / APRIL 2014 Lite Challenge: Cistern of the Drowned Maiden-challengefedsemi.jpg

  9. #19
      Domino44 is offline
    Guild Artisan Domino44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    U.S.A
    Posts
    531

    Default

    It looks awesome MCC! I'm not even going to try and find any spelling mistakes because knowing me I would just make it worse...

  10. #20
      Raptori is offline
    Guild Journeyer Raptori's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Helsinki
    Posts
    211

    Default

    Looks awesome, and the text reads nicely for me now! Only one spelling mistake that I can see; the end of line three should be "utilized" rather than "utilize". I absolutely love the level of detail and realism in the map, the shadows in particular look great - though they're slightly iffy around the steps next to the I symbol to my eyes.

    Edit: one other thing since I'm being really picky - I'd reduce the line spacing on the main title. At the moment, there's a larger gap between the two lines "The Cistern of the" and "Drowned Maiden" than there is between the second line and the start of the main text, which is the opposite of what it should be.
    Last edited by Raptori; 04-09-2014 at 08:37 AM.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •