I don't really know what's missing except to put in another vote for some data windows. However, this seems more like a brochure of the local sights than a map. The type of data presented seems more in line with a vacation presentation than an actual tactical map which the context of the piece seems to indicate that it is. There's nothing wrong with that, but you seem to be mixing your signals.
The piece seems to be saying "here is a visual presentation of the local stars and the planets of interest around them but don't expect it to be an accurate presentation of real positions," but the context of the map is "here is a tactical presentation of a fleet and its intentions." The two just don't seem to mix well.
That is perfectly said, wormy...looks like a brochure or maybe a board game.
my 2 cents is that the planets don't really fit into the background. Either make the planets as faded as the background (which to be honest looks like chalk smeared on a chalkboard), or make the background stand out a lot more by getting rid of the spaceship view screen and putting in a "glass window" view instead.
Also, the planets seem way to big for a realistic depiction
brutal honesty ftw!
Cool map! I really like the look of the planets and I canít really think of any constructive critique at the moment. I only wonder one thing; in the small text where it says that Akissi Kane is under "ennemi" fire, do you perhaps mean enemy fire? Just being a little picky ;)