Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 27

Thread: Wayfairen's Passage

  1. #1
    Community Leader Gracious Donor Jaxilon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    4,050

    Wip Wayfairen's Passage

    I felt another experiment coming on this evening and this is it. I'm thinking about adding more labels but it's supposed to be bleak.

    The text beneath the map title gives some explanation.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Wayfairen.jpg 
Views:	144 
Size:	4.74 MB 
ID:	29584  
    “When it’s over and you look in the mirror, did you do the best that you were capable of? If so, the score does not matter. But if you find that you did your best you were capable of, you will find it to your liking.” -John Wooden

    * Rivengard * My Finished Maps * My Challenge Maps * My deviantArt

  2. #2
    Community Leader Gracious Donor mearrin69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    2,232

    Default

    Moody. So are the lighter areas land? I look at it and almost think of clouds or nebulae or something. You know, with a little work, this'd make a pretty cool Warhammer 40K-style map for use in Dark Heresy or Rogue Trader.
    M

  3. #3
    Guild Artisan Gracious Donor Katto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Dortmund, Germany
    Posts
    658

    Default

    Nice experiment. I would try to emphasize the coast a bit more.

  4. #4
    Guild Master Facebook Connected jtougas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Wales Massachusetts
    Posts
    2,812
    Blog Entries
    27

    Default

    Nice!! I love the story makes me want to go there....
    I am the breath of Dragons...The Song of Mountains...The Stories of Rivers....The Heart of Cities.... I am A Cartographer....

    Finished Maps
    Kingdom Of Shendenflar Campaign Setting (WIP)

    Everything I post is free for use and redistribution under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 licence, except where noted otherwise in the thread.

  5. #5
    Community Leader Facebook Connected Ascension's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    St. Charles, Missouri, United States
    Posts
    8,298

    Default

    I'd tone down the rhumb lines some more and then just add some towns and roads and call it done. Has a look to it that I like, sort of a Tear-style gone dark.
    If the radiance of a thousand suns was to burst at once into the sky, that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One...I am become Death, the Shatterer of worlds.
    -J. Robert Oppenheimer (father of the atom bomb) alluding to The Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 11, Verse 32)


    My Maps ~ My Brushes ~ My Tutorials ~ My Challenge Maps

  6. #6
    Community Leader Gracious Donor Jaxilon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    4,050

    Default

    Ok, I think I used everyone's advice on this and I'm pretty happy with how it's going. I feel weak when it comes to labeling so let me know if there are any tips that will help me. I don't think I did too badly though.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Wayfairen.jpg 
Views:	55 
Size:	1.10 MB 
ID:	29603  
    “When it’s over and you look in the mirror, did you do the best that you were capable of? If so, the score does not matter. But if you find that you did your best you were capable of, you will find it to your liking.” -John Wooden

    * Rivengard * My Finished Maps * My Challenge Maps * My deviantArt

  7. #7

    Default

    Wow, man, that's really outstanding! Very unique. One of your better pieces, IMHO. Simple, yet effective.

    Lemme edit your passage, though:

    "At the end of the map, where sunlight dies, you will find Wayfairen's Passage. Beware the dark, treacherous sea and winds cold as an ice dragon's teat. There, black scaled leviathans haunt the channels of the lost, and the vicious tribes of 'Or forever keep watch, guardians of some forgotten world.

    It's a hundred miles of death, make no mistake, and only desprate fools or heroes would sail there. Of them all, I know of none who have returned. Still, 'tis perhaps the fastest route to the other side and to your destination."


    Since you spoke in the first person, I'd put quotes around it. You capitalize proper names: "Go across the sea, the Black Sea, to kill the ice dragon called Bob."

  8. #8
    Community Leader Gracious Donor Jaxilon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    4,050

    Default

    Thank you so much for the excellent editing. I was working so hard to get the right tone I failed at English

    Also, that's a nice compliment. It's always good to hear that you are improving.

    Here is the "More better English version".
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Wayfairen.jpg 
Views:	36 
Size:	1.10 MB 
ID:	29618  
    Last edited by Jaxilon; 09-23-2010 at 12:48 PM.
    “When it’s over and you look in the mirror, did you do the best that you were capable of? If so, the score does not matter. But if you find that you did your best you were capable of, you will find it to your liking.” -John Wooden

    * Rivengard * My Finished Maps * My Challenge Maps * My deviantArt

  9. #9

    Default

    Oh, you're definitely improving! I've not been on this board in a long time and I noticed immediately your skills in particular have taken a leap since I was last around.

    After a second look, one more edit: There, black-scaled leviathans haunt the channels of the lost, and

    Oh, and you accidentally made three quotation marks at the start.

    That should do it! i only nitpick because I like what you made. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't say anything.
    Last edited by Sharpe; 09-23-2010 at 06:41 AM.

  10. #10
    Guild Expert Ramah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Nottinghamshire
    Posts
    1,327
    Blog Entries
    3

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sharpe View Post
    After a second look, one more edit: There, black-scaled leviathans haunt the channels of the lost, and
    That last comma you suggest doesn't need to be there and would be frowned upon if the true grammar police came a knocking. Commas before the words "and" and "but" aren't necessary, although I admit I use them all the time. Still, forgetting all that I just feel the sentence reads better without it.
    Royal: I'm very sorry for your loss, your mother was a terribly attractive woman.


    My Cartographer's Guild maps: Finished Maps


    More maps viewable at my DeviantArt page: Ramah-Palmer DeviantArt

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •