Some question on "written english"

[jamsus]

Okay, in the middle of first exam war :p, i can paste here a little bit of a dialogue between characters :

***

Before the dialogue part, there is a description of the magnificent Riverdale, then
the chapter continue with...

Witmore was so charmed by the mystic sight, thathe did not hear
someone was approaching to the terrace.
"After a while, you resist the enchantment," said a crystal, gentle
voice of a woman.
"Some spells do not deserve to be resisted, don't you think lady
Dirian?"
Witmore heard the moment of silence for the surprise, then
turned. It was a breathtaking view also on that side. An elegant
young girl, dressed in a dark green silk, that run down her
perfect body holding her breast as if on an emerald altar,
draped with copious brown curls, as her eyes. Really breathtaking.
"Forgive my rudness, but I did not think that I presented before,
sir..."
"Sir Witmore of Connington. It's a pleasure to meet the beatiful
daughter of lord Morgante," said Witmore, taking her hand to kiss.
"I preferred when you have called me with my own name, sir
Witmore. Don't you feel more unique when someone call your own
name, ya?"
That woman was playing superbly her ascendant.
"To be honest, lady Dirian, what crazy man would think that a
creature like you is not already unique by itself?"
An instant of quiet, then a servant from the hallway announced that
the dinner was ready, and she almost made to go, but Witmore was
still standing, staring at her.
"Is it allright sir?"
"Oh sorry, lady Dirian, is still the effect of the spell. Go ahead, I
follow."
The daughter of the lord smiled and turned,
"Ah, and do not forget," said Witmore a moment later, "i still
need to be called by my own name, I haven't your precious gift."
Witmore also felt himself an excellent player.

Let me know (sorry for some grammar mistakes, but i dont care too much about them)

critics on the structure\sense of phrases is what i'm looking for,
negative & positive comments

Thank you all, again