February 2018 Challenge: The Green Castle

[Mouse]

Oh don't worry! I get confused all the time these days

[nopkin]

Guys, I need your help. I would like to write a short description of the prophecy in the blank space at the right, but I'm having a hard time coming up with a decent text in English. I could have lettered this paragraph five times in the time it took me to phrase and rephrase and re-rephrase it.

Would you be so kind to let me know what you think, how can it be improved, maybe make it sound more "poetical"? Are there any mistakes, something that doesn't sound right?

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In the fourth year of the reign of king Holdrin, when a terrible drought has hit the land of Valdoria and the mighty Orfur river dried up, the waterwheel that had been powering the pipe organ in the Everchant Cathedral for decades stopped, leaving the Singing Plains in a deafening silence. Underneath the eastern bridge, on the dry riverbed, a chest was uncovered, and sealed inside was an old manuscript showing the way to open the ancient Gate of Crystal in the North. Beyond the gate lies a pleasant and fertile land, overlooked by the magnificent Green Castle, spoken of in the legend of the emerald citadel.

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Thanks a million!

[Mouse]

Since I'm here, and I love writing games, mind if I have a first bash at it?


In the fourth year of the reign of king Holdrin a terrible drought hit the land of Valdoria and the mighty Orfur river dried up. The waterwheel which had been powering the pipe organ in the Everchant Cathedral for several decades stopped, leaving the Singing Plains in a deafening silence.

On a dry riverbed underneath the eastern bridge a chest was uncovered. Sealed inside was an old manuscript showing the way to open the ancient Gate of Crystal in the North. Beyond the gate we discovered a pleasant and fertile land overlooked by the magnificent Green Castle mentioned in the Legend of the Emerald Citadel.


Please don't take that as gospel. I'm barely awake just yet. I just wanted to have a play

[MapMappingMapped]

Here's how I would put it (written in a rush, at least I got the points in)
In the fourth year of the rein of King Holdrin, as a terrible drought reached the land of Valdoria and the mighty Orfur river dried up, the waterwheel that had so long powered the Everchant Cathedral's pipe organ grinded to a stop, leaving the Singing Plains in a deafening silence.
Underneath the eastern bridge, on the cracked riverbed, an ancient chest was discovered, bearing a worn manuscript that showed the way to open the legendary Gate of Crystal in the North. Thus was the legend of the Emerald Citadel fulfilled, as the Gate was opened and the
Green Castle found amidst a fertile and rich valley...

Maybe the first sentence could be shortened or something. All I could muster so far, hope you get it all finished in time

[nopkin]

Thank you very much, Mouse. I love your version and that's what I will go for, almost word for word.

MMM, thanks for your input as well, I think I'm going to borrow a few bits I like from your rendition too.

I appreciate your taking the time to help me with this.

[arsheesh]

A very whimsical piece! Looks like it could be a map to a children's fantasy novel.

Cheers,
-Arsheesh

[nopkin]

Here is the final version. I was tempted to spend some more time in Photoshop trying to polish it here and there - especially on the text - but then I thought that if I wasn't able to do it well enough on paper, then so be it... I won't resort to the digital crutch to improve it. I only did some color adjustments to make it look as close to the original as possible.

Thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement along the way!

### Latest WIP ###