Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Canyons near Urga; Suggestions

  1. #1
    Guild Apprentice Striogi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Hayward, Ca
    Posts
    35

    Wip Canyons near Urga; Suggestions

    This is the latest (and possibly final) version-

    unless you can make suggestions that would be good additions.

    Latest changes: Added cryptozoology to the corners, colors, changed compass.

    Brief: This is a canyon system near a city in a Russian-themed area of my fantasy world. A dragon's lair is here, hidden among the peaks.
    An active volcano at Pik Kureniya feeds two different lakes, which keeps the rivers flowing even during the winter.
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Canyons-Urga.png 
Views:	131 
Size:	2.28 MB 
ID:	67417

  2. #2

    Default

    Are the names meant to be in Russian? I see lots of Russian words there, but most of them don't correspond. For example, no Russian would say "Slomannoy Gora" because "Slomannoy" is a masculine adjective, but "Gora" is a feminine noun. "Broken mountain" (what I assume you're going for?) would be "Slomannaya Gora" (or "Lomannaya Gora", depending on what sort of meaning you're going for).
    Some of your other names seem to correspond to interesting English phrases, but are unlike anything a Russian person would name a location, e.g. "Pik Kureniya". That can translate to "Smoking Peak" in English, but to a Russian it means something more like "The Apex of Smoking", the point where people smoke the most cigarettes or something. Sounds like you ran some English names though an automatic translator. You probably meant "Dymyaschaya Vershina" or "Dumyaschiy Pik" (a mountain peak that has smoke coming out of it). Words related to "Kureniye" (smoking, e.g. cigarettes) can be used for volcanoes, usually in connection to lore. So if that's what you're going for, it can work, but as-is it sounds weird.

    If you want the names to be in correct Russian, I can help you with them if you tell me what the English meanings you're trying to evoke are.
    And this isn't a critique, just my curiosity: How come some of the names are in faux Russian, while others are in English? Are there two different cultures mingling here? If that's your intent, then I think that's a really cool way to show that. You're also using the English "Lake" mixed with Russian for a couple of them, but you're using all-Russian names for the mountains (versus, e.g. "Adskaya Mountain"). Is there a reason for this, particularly the mixing of different naming patterns (all-English, all-Russian, mixed Rus+Eng)?


    Some critique on the rest of the map:
    It's hard to tell what some of the labels are meant to label. You have names that sound like point names ("Gora", "Tochka", etc), but they are positioned as if they are names of large areas. I get that this is a fairly large-scale map, but it's still hard to tell whether some labels are meant to be for a single mountain or for a group of mountains, or for the flat area next to the mountains. Particular weird points:
    Slomannoy Gora is positioned along what looks like a ridge of several mountains, an effective technique for the title of a ridge, but its name implies a single peak. Adskaya Gora is similar, but there the ridge appears small enough to be called a single "gora".
    Nozh Tochka appeals to refer to the low area southwest (right and up) of the mountains, but its name also seems more likely to be to a peak.

    You did an excellent job with the river flows and elevations. It's so good to see a map in this style that doesn't have rivers flowing uphill. At first glance I thought some of the rivers flowed opposite to how they do, but I think that's just because of my brain equating the green forests near the upland lakes with lowland.

    Your compass rose appears to have East and West switched, is that intentional? That sort of switching is common for sky maps and other things seen from below, but if we're meant to be looking down at terrain from above, it should be the other way. Or does this planet spin in the opposite direction to Earth?

    Lastly, I think the fantasy creatures feel a bit out of place. Not by their presence, which is fine, but by the way they're drawn. The line style on them feels a bit different from the line style elsewhere, it's thicker and smoother. The colours on them are found nowhere else on the map, so they draw too much attention to themselves.
    Last edited by eishiya; 09-17-2014 at 11:36 AM.

  3. #3
    Guild Apprentice Striogi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Hayward, Ca
    Posts
    35

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by eishiya View Post
    Are the names meant to be in Russian? I see lots of Russian words there, but most of them don't correspond. For example, no Russian would say "Slomannoy Gora" because "Slomannoy" is a masculine adjective, but "Gora" is a feminine noun. "Broken mountain" (what I assume you're going for?) would be "Slomannaya Gora" (or "Lomannaya Gora", depending on what sort of meaning you're going for).
    Some of your other names seem to correspond to interesting English phrases, but are unlike anything a Russian person would name a location, e.g. "Pik Kureniya". That can translate to "Smoking Peak" in English, but to a Russian it means something more like "The Apex of Smoking", the point where people smoke the most cigarettes or something. Sounds like you ran some English names though an automatic translator. You probably meant "Dymyaschaya Vershina" or "Dumyaschiy Pik" (a mountain peak that has smoke coming out of it). Words related to "Kureniye" (smoking, e.g. cigarettes) can be used for volcanoes, usually in connection to lore. So if that's what you're going for, it can work, but as-is it sounds weird.
    ...And this isn't a critique, just my curiosity: How come some of the names are in faux Russian, while others are in English? Are there two different cultures mingling here? If that's your intent, then I think that's a really cool way to show that. You're also using the English "Lake" mixed with Russian for a couple of them, but you're using all-Russian names for the mountains (versus, e.g. "Adskaya Mountain"). Is there a reason for this, particularly the mixing of different naming patterns (all-English, all-Russian, mixed Rus+Eng)?
    Ah, the glories of Google tranlate.
    In short, I futzed with google translate with basic words until I got something that sounded good to me and was close enough to the intended meaning
    The long version is that this world is a version of earth that has suffered terrible calamities and this area used to be Russia-equivalent. The common language has now taken over, but much of the accent and the ancient russian survives in place names.

    If you want the names to be in correct Russian, I can help you with them if you tell me what the English meanings you're trying to evoke are.
    I don't have my heart set on correct russian, but I can see making some changes; here is the intent:
    Slomannoy: Shattered peaks or ridge (rough, uneven peaks)
    Nozh Tochka: Knife point peaks (serrated or spiky peaks
    Nozh ostriye: Knife edge or sharp ridges
    Sammit Burya: Storm summit (highest peak, rumored home of storm giants)
    Adskaya Gora: Infernal or devil mountain


    Some critique on the rest of the map:
    It's hard to tell what some of the labels are meant to label. You have names that sound like point names ("Gora", "Tochka", etc), but they are positioned as if they are names of large areas. I get that this is a fairly large-scale map, but it's still hard to tell whether some labels are meant to be for a single mountain or for a group of mountains, or for the flat area next to the mountains. Particular weird points:
    Slomannoy Gora is positioned along what looks like a ridge of several mountains, an effective technique for the title of a ridge, but its name implies a single peak. Adskaya Gora is similar, but there the ridge appears small enough to be called a single "gora".
    Nozh Tochka appeals to refer to the low area southwest (right and up) of the mountains, but its name also seems more likely to be to a peak.

    You did an excellent job with the river flows and elevations. It's so good to see a map in this style that doesn't have rivers flowing uphill. At first glance I thought some of the rivers flowed opposite to how they do, but I think that's just because of my brain equating the green forests near the upland lakes with lowland.

    Your compass rose appears to have East and West switched, is that intentional? That sort of switching is common for sky maps and other things seen from below, but if we're meant to be looking down at terrain from above, it should be the other way. Or does this planet spin in the opposite direction to Earth?

    Lastly, I think the fantasy creatures feel a bit out of place. Not by their presence, which is fine, but by the way they're drawn. The line style on them feels a bit different from the line style elsewhere, it's thicker and smoother. The colours on them are found nowhere else on the map, so they draw too much attention to themselves.
    Labels: They are generally there to label the sub-ranges, ridgelines and peak clusters. Kureniya and Burya are the two singular mountains.
    Waterflow: Thanks.
    Compass: DANGIT (i'm an idiot) I haven't made that mistake in FREAKING YEARS.
    Cryptozoology: actually taken from (purportedly) old russian maps. The dragon in the lower right and the manticore in the upper left are actually creatures that have been spotted in this region.

  4. #4

    Default

    I'll do my best with the names! Some background though: there are no particularly mountainous regions in traditionally Russophone areas, and thus no native Russian mountain names for comparable terrain. Modern Russia has such terrain, but the names are largely taken from the names used in the local/indigenous languages, not Russian. Another thing is that Russians don't tend to come up with descriptive names like the Celtic and Germanic cultures did, instead places are named for people and folklore if no native name is available. If your Russia-expy culture is anything like historical Russian people, that might be something worth considering. But the immediate relevance of this is that there's no reference material for me to look at, so the names I'll suggest to you are my attempt at descriptive naming in Russian.

    Also, where two similar Russian words are separated by a slash, the first is singular, the second is plural.

    Slomannoy: "Slommanoy" implies something is simply broken or cleft, "Lomannoy" implies breaking that was continuous in the past, and so has a more "shattered" connotation.
    Lomannye Gory (Broken Mountains, plural)
    Lomannaya Gora (singular)
    Lomanny Greben' (Broken Ridge).
    Knife-related names are a bit tricky, Russians don't think like that. Knives in Russian don't have points (tochka/tochki), they have ends (konets/kontsy), but this doesn't have the connotation that it does in English, and I can't imagine the phrase being used for toponymy. Russians also don't generally think of any land feature as "serrated", that description only applies to small features. More native-sounding alternatives:
    Ostrye Gory/Piki (sharp mountains/peaks, plural)
    Ostraya Gora/Pika (singular)
    Ostry Greben' (Sharp Ridge)
    Rezak/Rezaki (cutter, can also mean slaughterer, I can vaguely imagine this being used as a colloquial name for a high, sharp peak)
    Rezanye Gory (mountains that have been cut)
    Rezany Greben' (cut/carved ridge)
    Neborez (sky-cutter, could also be called "Gora Neborez", Mount Sky-cutter; these are a bit more poetic, but no stranger than descriptive names would be)
    If you're particularly set on knives, you could name a whole ridge/range "Nozhy" (knives) or "Greben' Nozhov" (ridge of knives), and give individual peaks names like "Bol'shoy Nozh" (big knife), "Maly Nozh" (small knife), Stary Nozh (old knife, for a particularly bulky-looking one perhaps), Cherny Nozh (black knife, for a dark moutain), and perhaps more folklore-ish names like "Nozh Dyavola" (Devil's Knife).

    Sammit Burya: This one as-is means "The summit which is called 'Burya'", probably not what you're looking for. "Sammit" is a relatively recent loanword as far as I know, so I would avoid it (and "Pik" and "Pika" as well) if you're going for a Russian feel. Older/Slavic-based words would be Vershina (summit, peak), Verkh (top), Verkhushka (top point). Also, "burya" refers to windstorms (including snowstorms). For thunderstorms, then the word to use is "groza" (which can also have a connotation of "threat" and "fright" in some of its forms). I will provide versions including both "burya" and "groza" so you can decide which is more appropriate.
    Bureva Vershina (peak of the windstorm, with the storm implied to be personified)
    Vershina Buri (peak of the windstorm, the storm is not personified, but is implied to be continuous or at least frequent enough to be considered the 'same' storm)
    Vershina Bur' (peak of windstorms, not necessarily personified)
    Grozny Verkh or Groznaya Vershina (storming/threatening peak)
    Vershina Groz (peak of thunderstorms/threats, not personified)

    Adskaya Gora is fine. Alternatives in case you're interested: Dyavol'skaya Gora (Devil's/Devilish Mountain), Gora Demona (Mountain of the Demon), Gora Cherta (Mountain of the Demon, using a more native word, though a "chert" is typically seen as a weaker creature), Proklyataya Gora (Damned Mountain)

    I hope these help! Do you want any help with the lakes?


    My complaint about the cryptocreatures wasn't their presense/plausibility, but the way you drew them. The colours and (to a much lesser degree) the line style clash with the rest of the map.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •