Wayfairen's Passage

[Jaxilon]

I felt another experiment coming on this evening and this is it. I'm thinking about adding more labels but it's supposed to be bleak.

The text beneath the map title gives some explanation.

[mearrin69]

Moody. So are the lighter areas land? I look at it and almost think of clouds or nebulae or something. You know, with a little work, this'd make a pretty cool Warhammer 40K-style map for use in Dark Heresy or Rogue Trader.
M

[Katto]

Nice experiment. I would try to emphasize the coast a bit more.

[jtougas]

Nice!! I love the story makes me want to go there....

[Ascension]

I'd tone down the rhumb lines some more and then just add some towns and roads and call it done. Has a look to it that I like, sort of a Tear-style gone dark.

[Jaxilon]

Ok, I think I used everyone's advice on this and I'm pretty happy with how it's going. I feel weak when it comes to labeling so let me know if there are any tips that will help me. I don't think I did too badly though.

[Sharpe]

Wow, man, that's really outstanding! Very unique. One of your better pieces, IMHO. Simple, yet effective.

Lemme edit your passage, though:

"At the end of the map, where sunlight dies, you will find Wayfairen's Passage. Beware the dark, treacherous sea and winds cold as an ice dragon's teat. There, black scaled leviathans haunt the channels of the lost, and the vicious tribes of 'Or forever keep watch, guardians of some forgotten world.

It's a hundred miles of death, make no mistake, and only desprate fools or heroes would sail there. Of them all, I know of none who have returned. Still, 'tis perhaps the fastest route to the other side and to your destination."

Since you spoke in the first person, I'd put quotes around it. You capitalize proper names: "Go across the sea, the Black Sea, to kill the ice dragon called Bob."

[Jaxilon]

Thank you so much for the excellent editing. I was working so hard to get the right tone I failed at English

Also, that's a nice compliment. It's always good to hear that you are improving.

Here is the "More better English version".

[Sharpe]

Oh, you're definitely improving! I've not been on this board in a long time and I noticed immediately your skills in particular have taken a leap since I was last around.

After a second look, one more edit: There, black-scaled leviathans haunt the channels of the lost, and

Oh, and you accidentally made three quotation marks at the start.

That should do it! i only nitpick because I like what you made. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't say anything.

[Ramah]

After a second look, one more edit: There, black-scaled leviathans haunt the channels of the lost, and

That last comma you suggest doesn't need to be there and would be frowned upon if the true grammar police came a knocking. Commas before the words "and" and "but" aren't necessary, although I admit I use them all the time. Still, forgetting all that I just feel the sentence reads better without it.