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Thread: February Entry: The Sanitorium

  1. #1

    Default February Entry: The Sanitorium

    A map I had done with all the trimmings on one page

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    Last edited by Davros01; 02-20-2010 at 03:04 PM. Reason: didn't have latest WIP
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  2. #2

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    You did more with one page than I could do with 10! Nice job.

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  4. #4
    Community Leader Facebook Connected Ascension's Avatar
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    Are you sure that fits into a standard piece of paper? Looks like two pages, shrug. Looks pretty nice nonetheless.
    If the radiance of a thousand suns was to burst at once into the sky, that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One...I am become Death, the Shatterer of worlds.
    -J. Robert Oppenheimer (father of the atom bomb) alluding to The Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 11, Verse 32)


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    Guild Artisan Juggernaut1981's Avatar
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    Ascension> He could be thinking of A4 in landscape...

    But it's nice to see the growing horror/wierd tale tendency of this challenge. I'm feeling all map-grandfatherly... *wipes away tear*
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  6. #6

    Wip

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  7. #7
    Guild Artisan Aval Penworth's Avatar
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    Cool concept. I printed this map to A4 and you can just read it if the light is good and you hold it just right, so yeah, it could be a one pager.

    I am confused by the layout though. Is it a building or an underground area? Maybe you could make that clear in the description as the players approach. You mention the massive doors but not what they are attached to. There is still quite a bit of negative space, so there is plenty of scope to expand the text later if it is needed.

    Also, is there a reason why the patients cages are so small compared to the overall cell size. Maybe its a teaching facility and they need standing room for 15 interns to observe the good doctor at work?

    Not sure about the blood stain either... on a players map maybe... but each to their own.
    Last edited by Aval Penworth; 02-22-2010 at 06:47 AM.

  8. #8
    Guild Artisan Facebook Connected Rythal's Avatar
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    imo the bloodstain is a bit too pinkish... maybe make it darker; more crimson.

  9. #9

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    You should watch the numbering for the texts. You have 2d twice (dunno if that was intended) and the eating hall should be numbered 5, not 6, I guess.

  10. #10
    Guild Artisan rdanhenry's Avatar
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    Some corrections:

    NOTES FOR GM: "surrounding areas" should be "surrounding area's", "employed like" should be "employed from" for the "to" to work, the first appearance of "mikel" needs capitalization, I think "May will" is supposed to be "Many will", "Caused" should not be capitalized, missing period after "Bedlam".

    THE SCENE: "anybodys" should be "anybody's", final sentence is badly structured - it is probably both missing a word and would benefit from being split into two sentences, as it appears you are combining a question and a statement.

    2d: "mahem" should be "mayhem", "Room Contains" should be "room contains".

    2d (second entry labeled 2d): "glance appears" should be "glance, it appears", "patients" should be "patients'" (add apostrophe), line break between "all" and "hell" is odd, "inconvienient" should be "inconvenient".

    3-3a: "is two" should be "are two", "directors room" should be "director's room", "kings justice" should be "king's justice", missing period after "money".

    4: "dippling" should be "dipping", the comma after "brain" should be removed.

    5: "dirty" should be capitalized, "half eaten" deserves a hyphen, "appears" should be deleted, "Value" should not be captalized.

    7: "liberaly" should be "liberally, "an appears" should be "and appears", why is the doctor described as a "party man" when he has so little cause to party?

    I am concerned about the readability of the stat blocks, but otherwise the visuals look quite good. Some might find the appearance sparse compared to some other maps, but that's just how a sanitarium should be.

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